I’m about to share a story about my Transformational Hiatus Realizations that occurred recently. I am telling this to you because as a business owner I feel a responsibility to update my customers, clients and readership on what is going on with Spiral Elixir. You may have noticed I have deleted 90% of my About Page and Services Page. I’ll be updating those soon. At the end of last year I felt an increased pressure surrounding the way I show up online and what services I offer. I’ve been flexible over the last 14 years of owning my business. I allow myself to makes changes when needed. But this is by far the most drastic of changes I’ve made so far.
I don’t want to offend anyone or let you down, but I might.
To be completely honest, I know I do offend people at times and I am sure I’ll be letting some people down when you read this all. I have thought a lot about this decision and I feel really good about it. I am sorry if I say anything that feels uncomfortable to you, but I am only sharing my perspective about what I have experienced. It resonates for me but might not make sense to you.
I’ve already explained the two main catalysts for these changes happening, here & here. Before these major events happened I was pretty content doing what I was doing in my day-to-day life. I realized quickly things had shifted but integrating the changes took time because I had to make sense of it all on an emotional and mental level. I process things slowly sometimes because I think and feel everything deeply.
So here are the changes
I am no longer taking clients this year… I say “this year” because I don’t know if I will ever resume certain services in the future. If I do it may be underground and not marketed, as I won’t have time. For now, I know that taking a step back from working one-on-one with people is the best thing to do. This includes all forms of Professional Spiritual Counseling, Intuitive/Psychic Readings, Tarot Readings, Transformational Guidance Sessions, and Cosmic Soul Maps. I was sad to even think about doing this for a while… but the pros out wiegh the cons. Cosmic Soul Maps by far have been the most popular service I offered and for 2 years I averaged about 2-3 CSMs a month. Not only was it my favorite service to offer, but it was my most financially rewarding one. Taking a break from doing this work was not because I didn’t thoroughly enjoy working with everyone that I did. It was not because I wasn’t benefiting. I know I made a difference in a lot of lives, and it helped me provide a stable income for my family. I learned a lot, and I met amazing people. But, there is more to the story…
Why I made this decision
I can’t explain every reason for this big change. Mainly because it is personal in some ways. But I will tell you the main reasons. For those who have known me since I first started my Etsy shop and blog 10 years ago, you know I am constantly changing. That’s nothing new. I’m all about transformation! I started selling jewelry, up-cycled clothes and vintage items, prayer/chakra flags, original paintings, prints, and postcards in 2008.
Then in 2011, I created an online community called the Intuitive Heart Sanctuary. For 2 years I created weekly Youtube videos and facilitated a private forum for over 100 women. That led me into doing private readings and offering spiritual counseling one-on-one. I also began doing distance reiki healing, and a variety of vibrational remedies. I started selling herbal products in my Etsy shop and then designed a new website and started my own shop.
In 2013, I started selling essential oil blends, and made spritzers, botanical roll-on perfumes, flower essences and other products. But in the past few years, the private sessions, and readings were going steady, and I introduced Astrological Cosmic Soul Maps in January 2016. They took off as the most popular service I have every offered. I was constantly adding people to a waiting list and trying really hard to keep up with the work. I am not complaining about the interest, it was great, but the pressure to finish these intense and highly potent and custom birth chart interpretations affected me more than I could have ever expected. I even published my first book during this time, which is borderline insane. I don’t even know how that happened but I spontaneously just did it.
The main reason
That first year of intense writing, I discovered I was having my neck issues exacerbated by the amount of time I had to spend at my computer to write the 20+ pages for each CSM. I got a new desktop Mac and went to the chiropractor and found a way to make it work, and resolved that issue. Then I started to realize that I was stressing about meeting the clients’ needs with the timelines I would create. I would really struggle sometimes to finish a CSM if other things happened in my life as a homeschooling mama. I would always come through and have never had an unhappy customer, but I got really backed up there for a while and it constantly wore on my mind and heart. Ethically I want to provide a service that I feel 100% good about, but I didn’t feel good about making people wait. My other more complex but huge concern has been something that took a long time for me to figure out. It’s the main reason why I need to take a step back.
When I think about the work I do with people, I know it all comes to me naturally and I have felt a responsibility to show up and offer my services. I have always told myself that since I am able to do this work so easily, that it is something I should do. I don’t know why I have been telling myself that. I have been looking at myself deeply to understand why I do what I do, and I know I have been doing things to help others, but have not been putting myself first. This has made me crumble slowly. By “crumble” I mean, fall apart in ways that don’t feel authentic to what I truly want to be doing. I have always and will continue to be available for my friends and family. I love being there for those I love and even for people who I don’t know that well, if I feel like I can help someone. I’m being more selective.
Trust the vibes.
I am more in tune with the vibrations surrounding my work with other people then ever before, and I have been called to step back in order to conserve my energy to be more available to my own health and well being, my family, my friends, and to the other work I feel drawn to do now. This decision has freed up so much time and energy that I was spending on other people that have come to me for service that I have been inspired again to do more of the creative work I had to keep setting on the back burner. My truth when I wake up every day of my life, is to move energy in healthy ways, and be creative in all aspects of my life. I am an artist. I can’t go more than 5 minutes without a creative idea coming up in my mind.
Being an artist
I LOVE making things, and creating things. I love writing. I love people. But working one-on-one with people feels limiting for me right now. I don’t like feeling confined to working with one person in private, with them waiting on me to finish something that takes so much energy out of me to produce. I feel better letting my creative energy flow in whatever direction I feel it needs to go, and that means allowing myself to be more freed up, so I can make choices that nurture this part of myself. My entire home is full of artwork and art supplies, and some of the things I use to do were sitting there staring at me for years while I tried to “help others”. Helping others is an honorable thing to do, but I don’t feel that helping people in the way I was is what I need to be doing anymore. I feel like my true service to the world is to be who I am, and work on staying true to that as best as I can.
Feeling freed up and creative
I need the psychic & emotional space. I need the spiritual & mental space. I need all this space because I have so much swirling inside me that needs to move and when I funneled it into these services for individuals to purchase, I felt like slices of my time and life were being sold off, and of course working is a sacrifice in many ways, and we are rewarded with love, connection and fair trade for our exchange hopefully – I value my work, and have always been paid well, but I would rather go back to that feeling I had as a new Etsy shop owner in 2008, just wanting to wake up and do art every day. Simple.
10 years since I opened my shop
I have gained so much experience, knowledge and wisdom. I know myself so much better. I know my abilities, my strengths and my weaknesses. I know I am truly not cut out to do certain work that intellectually & spiritually I am more than capable of doing. Emotionally & mentally I have realized the toll on me has been too much, and physically I feel burned out and even got extremely ill from the compounded stress of everything. There is so much more to this decision but like I said, it’s personal. Not personal, as in something I would never feel comfortable telling people, just in a way not fully understood by me in a way that words would do it justice, so I will wait until I find words to share more. It has to do with me as a person. Maybe it’s also about my personality. The way I am as an individual (vague sorry). I have a small circle of friends who know me and know why I am the way I am, but I don’t feel the need to get into explaining myself when it’s just such a complex thing to dive into in a blog post, and I certainly don’t need any judgement or questions asked of me about it right now. I am not everyone’s cup of tea alright, and how I operate in the world is not what would be considered average or normal. Let’s put it that way. I have special needs, haha. We all do of course. But when it comes to trying to do things that would seem easy for others, or feel comfortable for them, those same things can feel very different for me. I am able to function well in society when I give myself space to breathe, room to move energy, and keep healthy boundaries with people.
What do I mean by boundaries?
It’s more so a boundary for myself. I am not trying to block anyone or step away from being engaged in the world. I am full on present and showing up as I am. I am fully aware of my energy and how it tends to come off at times, and I care a lot about how I may affect other people. I am also in a place in my life now, where worrying about other people’s problems is not high on my list of things I should be thinking about. I have cared too much. I just have rekindled the spark within me that felt dimmed, and now I’m tending the fire with care and respect, as to allow what needs to burn away release, and that which I see in my visions illuminated, come into the light to express what feels bottled up, and ready to emerge. It feels like a never-ending supply of energy that I am tapped into, and it’s not taxing on my mind, body, or heart. Knowing that, is why I feel 100% confident diving into it, while letting go of the other services I was doing that started to feel like a very heavy load. I needed to learn certain things to get to where I am now. I came full circle. From 2008 (online start to my first shop and blog), to now.
So what’s so offensive?
Oh, that part. Well, I hope I haven’t offended you yet, but I did have one last thing to mention. Everything is symbolic and carries a vibration. What’s up with this “Self Improvement” craze!? What doesn’t resonate with me is the push to strive to become something. Or even offering any service that could possibly imply that anyone else should do such a thing. I already am what I am, and always have been. You are who you are. It’s not about being improved or better. We have to get real and strip away the falseness. I don’t want to look at people’s birth charts anymore. Look into the past and future. I want to see each person where they are right now. It all became clear for me. I am glad I got to help who I helped, and I may offer some guidance about how to read birth charts in the future so people can do it themselves, but I can’t be doing that anymore for others. I need to focus on my life. No one has it all figured out. Who am I to interpret your life? I tried, and it made sense to everyone… but I want to show people they can do it on their own now.
As someone who can’t stop doing what I do energetically though, living how I do… all I can do is stop selling myself as being of service to others, so I can gain perspective again on how to get really deep into my creative process. I have nothing negative to say about anyone, or any work being done. I value all people’s gifts to the world, and appreciate those who can do work, that I find difficult at this time to do myself. I will always be the way I am, as I can’t erase what I know, how I was raised, what I’ve seen and explored, and everything I’ve done to get to this place of awareness. But I can stay in a place of integrity, and step back, and trust the vibrations I feel pushing me away from these services…. I will always continue to work in the realm I work in… they are subtle for those matters. The unseen, the spiritual, the deep roots, need not be exploited, and are very mysterious and sacred. I honor my truth and ancestors by walking in a way that feels authentic to what the world truly needs. For each of us to look within and keep it 100%.
If I can help others by sharing my story, or writing another book, or creating something beautiful, then that is what I’ll be doing. But for now, I can’t get tangled up into other people’s wounding, without great caution, as many have come to me seeking something I had… and it took a lot out of me to give what I could while not realizing I was being drained. I am mending my aura, and restoring my health and strength. I saw how naive I was to fall into a pattern of over-extending myself again. Something I have learned so many times in my life energetically, and it just manifests in different ways every time, disguised well! So that is about it folks. I appreciate your attention to this all, as it may or may not even matter to you- but you read it anyway. I still plan to share knowledge about Spirituality, Herbalism, Metaphysics, Sociology, Gardening, Music – etc… Nothing has changed about my works, except the fact that I will not be working one-on-one with anyone (at least being paid to do it as a job). I’m freed up to just share my works on my blog, Youtube, social media, and in my shop and real life. I spend a lot of time homeschooling my children and taking care of my animals and spending time with the horse my daughter leases, and the other horses at the ranch we go to 3-4 times a week. My energy flows into so many places, and I have even more now to work with, which makes me happy and that pure joy will hopefully be seen in my offerings.
By the way…
The one constant thing I have always made, have been my deerskin pouches and medicine bags. I will never stop making those FYI. I’ve been making those since long before I started an Etsy shop. I have been making them every day, since my last batch was sold to a shop in Florida in December… and I will keep making new ones, because I love doing it, and it is extremely therapeutic for me. I will share pictures of the latest batch soon. Thank you for reading all of this. It was a lot to get off my chest. My illness I got on January 1 was like a blend of heart (chest) mixed with expression/voice (throat). I actually still have a sore throat and it’s day 24 of viral bronchitis. I am still coughing but not nearly as much. I am getting better, but I needed to release this. Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up feeling even better because of this sharing. All love.